Chapter Nine

There was a great deal of kissing when it was over, and when I tried to disentangle myself, feeling the magic moment was past, Sebastian gave me a mew and wouldn't actually let me go. Personally, after all the coming was done and my consciousness rose above waist level, my mind kept returning to the moment I had gagged on his cock. I was revisited by a deep desire for the earth to swallow me up.

"Can we do a group hug now?" squeaked Jean.

"Oh, by all means!" I said, motioning him over to the bed.

He leap on top of us with a flying tackle and pushed his face between us, showering kisses everywhere. "That was just so...so... passionate, and tension filled; there was drama and tears and giggling and lust and.... Well, it's a whole lot better than a porn flick, I can tell you! When was the last time you watched anything that made you cry and hard at the same time? Huh?"

"And your still hard," said Sebastian, chuckling.

"Oh, so I am... Pardon me!" Jean draped himself over Sebastian's side and squirmed affectionately.

It gave me the exit I required. I struggled up and slid off the bed. "I'll dispose of that for you, if you'd like," I offered, pointing at the condom still on Sebastian.

"No, I'll do it. It's rather messy."

"Oh, for God's sake, don't be squeamish. Give it here!" I held out my hand.

Gingerly, he pulled the condom off so that the liquid stayed inside, knotted it neatly and held it up by his thumb and forefinger. Taking it with the same care, I trotted into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. After disposing of the item, I ran the bath. I was starting to think I would smell permanently like sex if I kept having this much of it.

Above the noise of the running water, Jean and Sebastian were talking and giggling. My paranoia was getting the best of me and I was sure they were having a good old laugh about how Shira wasn't much of a cocksucker. My insides squirmed uncomfortably. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. Hetero guys didn't care if you gagged – they were just happy you'd go down on them at all. What the fuck was I doing here?

Turning off the water and stepping into the tub, I slid down in the water until it reached my chin. Now they weren't even laughing. They were just talking softly. I really couldn't make out any of the words, except Jean squeaking, "Well, I told you so!"

Told him what? Argh. Told him that I was just a girl, just an airhead, just horrible in bed... Oh, fuck! I sank beneath the surface and lay in the bottom of the tub, looking up through the greenish water, listening to my heartbeat pound in my ears.

Thud, thud, thud.

Then that hissing sound that built and became a roar, dwarfing even the sound of my heartbeat as I started to run out of air. I swallowed and waited for the initial urge to surface to pass and it did, like it always does. Something floaty takes over. I shut my eyes and counted.

"OH, MY GOD! SHIRA!"

I burst through the water and opened my eyes. Jean and Sebastian were standing there, stark naked, looking down at me.

"What? For fuck's sake, WHAT?!?" I bellowed back.

"Shira, you scared us. We thought you'd drowned yourself or something!" Jean was shrieking like a lunatic.

I looked from one to the other. "Are you right out of your minds?" I demanded in disbelief. "I'm not going to drown myself just because I can't suck cock. It's important, I know, but it's not that fucking important."

The two of them just stood there staring at me. Jean looked at Sebastian; Sebastian looked at Jean. They both looked back at me. Then they laughed. And laughed, fell about, and laughed some more. Jean was laughing so hard he was leaning against the wall, clutching onto the towel rail. Sebastian had dropped to his knees and was propping himself up on the toilet lid, laughing.

"It's not funny..."

Now Jean was sounding like he was choking, making these horrible asthmatic sounds. Sebastian wasn't making any sound at all; his face was buried in his arm. He just looked like he was dry heaving.

"It's not that funny!" I yelled.

I could tell they weren't going to stop and they weren't going to get out of the bathroom. They were going to have their overblown fits of hysteria and make me feel really stupid. I huffed and slipped under the surface again, resuming my interrupted count.

A hand grabbed my hair under the water and pulled me up. It was Sebastian. I wiped the water out of my eyes and glowered at him sulkily. He was smiling but at least he wasn't laughing anymore.

"Shira, you must be the only girl I've ever met who even cared." He kissed me deeply and then sat back on his heels, letting his hands dangle in the water. "It's just not that important. And anyway, it's totally fixable. Why in the world do you think I'd care that much?"

"Because you're gay. Gay guys care about stuff like that. They're fucking perfectionists about shit like that. And I said I'm sorry and that's all I can do." I could hear the pitch of my voice rising again as my defensive mechanism kicked in. I looked around but Jean had left. I could hear him out in the bedroom, still peeing himself with laughter.

"He only thinks it's funny because you got so upset about it, Shira. He balled me out when you came into the bathroom, you realize? He told me I was a bastard... I shouldn't have said anything. He was right. I'm sorry." Sebastian took a big breath and leveled his gaze. "I only said something because I thought you were doing it, and feeling uncomfortable."

Now I felt dreadful again, for new reasons. "No. I'm glad you were honest. If you'd just put up with it, I'd feel way worse."

"Do you want me to wash your back?" he offered.

I looked at him. What I really wanted was a little time to myself and a good sulk. But if I refused him, he'd think I was still holding a grudge. I reached for the soap in the dish. "Sure, that would be nice," I said, handing him the bar of soap.

"Lift your hair up," he said, slipping into the bathtub behind me. It wasn't really what I had in mind when he made the offer, but it was his bathroom.

I gathered up my hair and he went to work. He was good at it, actually, like he was good at most things, when he wanted to be. And for a while we sat in companionable silence as he washed most things, not just my back.

"When I was coming, what was it you thought I was going to say?" he asked softly, soaping my chest. To his credit, he didn't just concentrate on the tits, he was doing a good job.

"Oh, it doesn't matter," I replied. I was kind of tired of all the psycho drama.

"No, I really want to know...What did you think I was about to say?"

"How about we make it easier? What were you going to say?" It was back to the old Sebastian. He was fucking with my head again. This time, I was armed.

"Well, I know what I was going to say. I just wanted to know if you were right."

"Oh, Sebastian, please. Don't play these fucking games with me. I'm tired. Just tell me what you were going to say, and I'll tell you whether I was right or not."

"Shira-kins, why don't you just tell me what you..."
"He was going to say he loves you," the soft, high voice interrupted. My head snapped around. Jean was leaning on the doorframe, looking at us. "Ask him."

I swiveled half-way around in the bath and stared at Sebastian. "Is it?" I caught him looking over at Jean and mouthing 'you bastard'. "Well, is it?" I demanded.

"Yes."

I dunked myself under for a moment to rinse off, stood up and stepped out. I wrapped a towel around myself, considering him in the water.

"Well, I'm glad I stopped you," I snapped. "If there's one thing worse than a girl who can't suck cock, it's a guy who screams he loves you when he's coming."